Online Dating

  • Online Dating! Does It Work?

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    Shelia has been single for over 2 years now.  In the beginning, she was fine.  She has lots of friends and keeps herself busy.  From time to time she would feel lonely but for the most part she was fine.  Then she was noticing that most of her friends were in relationships.  At first it didn’t bother her but then when her girlfriends were less available, she started to feel like she wanted to find a nice companion to spend those rainy days with. 

    Now that Shelia has decided that she is ready to get back into the dating game her next perplexing question was, “Where Do You Find A Good Guy?”  She wasn’t sure how she felt about online dating but was willing to give it a try.  The search for love in the digital age tends to stir up a lot of anxiety.  Most people are a little wary of online dating and its implications for the future of romance and human connection.  

    Research shows that more people have been using the internet and/or dating apps to find romantic partners, whether they’re looking for something casual or long-term.  Online dating has not only disrupted more traditional ways of meeting romantic partners, its rise also comes at a time when norms and behaviors are changing.

    But does online dating actually work? After speaking with tons of online dating experts I have found that those using this platform to search for dates expands their dating options beyond their traditional social circles.  Although there are several different dating vehicles it’s good to solicit personal referrals and personal stories when deciding which platform to select.  Of course, it’s always best to experience things for yourself, but it’s extremely helpful to hear from others who have tried it with some firsthand stories.

    On the other side, I have received feedback that online dating offers a less flattering approach to dating.  Some feel that it is an impersonal way to meet a guy but the biggest concerns that surround online dating is the fear of getting scammed, being harassed, hearing the lies, exposure to danger, etc. 

    Ideally, Most people would like to meet their significant other through their social circles or work/school functions, they are finding that the pool of candidates can be relatively shallow. As a result, more and more people are switching to less traditional methods.

    Online dating has become really popular.  With the popularity of sites like eHarmony, match.com, OkCupid and countless others, the stigma of online dating has diminished considerably in the last decade. According to the Pew Research Center, the overwhelming majority of Americans suggest that online dating is a good way to meet people. Online dating services are now the second most popular way to meet a partner.

    The popularity of online dating is being driven by several things, and with today’s pandemic that has put a halt to public events leaving online interaction an effective solution to a serious problem.  Statistics suggest that about 1 in 5 relationships begin online nowadays. It’s estimated that by 2040, 70% of us will have met our significant other online.  So if you are going to use the internet to find your next perfect guy here are a few things you should know.

    1. Sometimes individuals will lie on their online dating profiles

    I know that people want to put their best foot forward and make them seem appealing but you have to be able to ask the right questions to find the truth and make sure you are not gullible and believe anything.  Don’t be mad.  Everyone wants to make themselves seem appealing. 

    2. Looking out for the Scammers

    You hear it all the time that there are tons of scammers trolling the internet.  Look, the government just got hacked so why would you think you are shielded from a scammer.  The internet is full of unscrupulous vendors looking to separate you from your money by whatever means possible.  There are pitfalls in every aspect of life, but this may be particularly true with online dating. There are literally hundreds (if not thousands) of online scams.  I would highly recommend that you do your research before you give your bank details or any other personal information out.  Actually, you should be wary of any person, group or entity asking for any kind of financial or personal information. Here are some good ideas on staying safe: 

    Set up an anonymous email account from a widely used email service (janedoe@gmail.com).

    NEVER give out your home phone, address or personal email address unless you absolutely trust the recipient (before you relinquish your trust vet this person thoroughly).

    Drive yourself to the date (your date doesn’t need to know where you live), keep an eye on your drink/food (…), pay half of the bill (you don’t need your date having expectations of repayment).

    These are just a few safe guards.  There are several other do’s and do not’s of online dating, but the most important thing when dealing with online dating is to use your common sense. If something doesn’t feel right, trust your instincts.

    3. Online dating makes you picky and judgmental

    You are presented with a sea of potential candidates.  According to the Association for Psychological Science, reviewing multiple candidates causes people to be more judgmental and inclined to dismiss a not-quite-perfect candidate than they otherwise would be in a face-to-face meeting.

    So how do you increase your odd with online dating: 

    1.  You will want to meet at least 8-9 people.  You don’t want to overload your brain because the you will start looking for reasons not to like a person.  So pick 8-9 that you would like to go out with.  Meet in person, then take a break while you get to know at least one of the potential candidates.
    2. Set at least 3 deal-breakers.  Know what you truly can’t tolerate and don’t settle because eventually if things continue on with this person the things you settled for will be the thing that breaks you up.  Don’t waste your time.  You should focus on the basics:  communication, respect, their ethics & values.
    3. Go on at least 3 Dates before you throw in the towel.  If someone is nervous it will take time for them to get comfortable and let you know their real personality.

    Online dating is definitely a good option available to those in search for the right partner.  Dating as a whole is a confusing process but it can also be fun.  Join my Woman Warrior Coaching group for some lively discussions about dating, relationships and love.  Visit http://www.thewomanwarriorcoach.com for more information.

    I’m sure there are some interesting online dating stories out there.  I’d love to hear about them.  I welcome your stories and questions. I’m curious, what are your feelings about Online Dating?



  • Are you being manipulated BY YOUR BOYFRIEND?

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    ARE YOU BEING MANIPULATED BY YOUR BOYFRIEND?

    If you have been in a relationship with a man for some time you may find yourself becoming weaker.  Love creates trust, trust leads you to becoming vulnerable.  Vulnerability exposes you to manipulation.  Manipulation can be in different forms.  Some men manipulate you for sex, some men manipulate you financially, some men manipulate women to get comfortable but have no intention of staying long term once he has used you up. 

    There is another type of manipulation that I have been seeing happen to my clients.   It’s the Victimization manipulation.  While in the relationship stage, men will use this on nice women.  Men will love you and not want to hurt you but to get their way and gain control they will play the victim.  These men will use sympathy or exploitation to manipulate you.  Men know that women want to care for them or are super nice and will rush in to save them so they create false situation that will make you feel sorry for them and want to run to their rescue.  I call this Boyfriend Manipulation!

    Boyfriend manipulation can be dangerous and is hard to identify when you are googly eyed over your man.  This is when men prey on your emotions to gain the upper hand throughout the relationship.  You give in to him because you know if you yell at him or stand your ground you will hurt his feelings.  So you are careful not to bring up anything that will be sensitive to him.  It’s like you are walking on eggshells. 

    The relationship may have started off great, but once he found out that you are caring and willing to put up with his nonsense to spare his feelings or cater to his past trauma, you become a victim of his con game.

    These men have their con game down pack.  Some men will swear he is going to commit suicide if you leave him.  You panic and stay with him.  He knows exactly what he is doing.  He knows that some women would rather suffer in a bad relationship than see a man hurt himself. 

    Listen, men possess a lot of different tricks.  As a relationship coach, my goal is to help women to date with power and get the type of relationships they desire.  So how do you handle a manipulative man?

    First, women have to get rid of the fear of breaking up.  If this relationship is meant to be it will be.  Your relationship will thrive with you being who you are and your man being himself.  You do not want to become a guild-ridden, self-made prisoner of love.  In a relationship, disagreement happen; miscommunication happens.  You two will get upset with one another, but you need to be able to have a healthy discussion without blame placing. 

    You have to be able to identify if you are being manipulated.  Don’t let him play his manipulative game on you like he games his mother.  Men want what they want, when they want it.  You have to be spart enough to know that manipulation isn’t love it’s control.  Men are like bullies.  Once you stand up to them, you shut them down forever.  You have to become strong enough in yourself to not fall for his games.  You have to be ready to walk away from the relationship if he tries to use breaking up as a threat.  If a man wants to leave you because your personality is too strong or you won’t kiss his ass and baby him, then let him leave!  You have to believe that you are powerful, wonderful and beautiful.  The same way you found him, you can find someone even better.

    Have you ever been manipulated?  Do you feel that you are currently in a manipulative relationship?  I’d love to hear how you are handling it?  Leave me a comment below or send me an email if you are not sure if you are being manipulated?

    As a relationship and life coach, I love helping women find the love they deserve.  Connect with me and set up a FREE coaching session.  I’d love to hear from you.